Surgery ... Joey and Stef

Saw the surgeon today. Good news is that during PMS and through all the stress with Simba I lost another 5 pounds, so I didn't get yelled at - in fact I got a bozo button because he said I have lost 9 pounds more then he thought I would. I would love to say "look at me ain't I the shit - but he only expected 6 pounds in 3 months ::G:: so it wasn't exactly difficult to do. Anyway, my surgery date is July 22nd. They are also doing a liver biopsy while they have me on the table because my liver stats looked hinky in the testing. I'm hoping it's just going to be fatty deposits because of my weight because the other two options he gave just don't sound fun at all. He actually said the words "liver transplant" while explaining things to us ... WHY would you say those words to a PMSing woman who can't eat double stuffed oreos?

OMG I have 21 days left to eat ... for the rest of my life. ::vbeg:: What should I have as my "Last Meal"?

I talked to Joey tonight after I got home and of course he is worried about his Mom ... but what really warmed my heart is that Stefanie was with him and asked if she was allowed to come to the hospital the day of my surgery ... and she offered to take me to my pre op admission bloodwork. I just love this girl. My fear is that I'm not lucky enough that my son will actually MARRY someone this sweet. That my getting to know and care about her is just some cruel trick being played on me by the universe. And that he will really end up with some stripper named "Candi Cane"with 6 kids who will hate me and forbid my boy to see me except on Christmas and birthdays ... and only then to collect their presents. ::Wink::

My Poor Simba .... Final surgeon appointment?

::Tears::
My 120 pounds of velcro, Simba died this morning. It has been heartbreaking watching him decline so quickly, but once he was in pain it was truly unbearable . I miss him already and can't imagine waking up tomorrow morning without his gentle nudge.

What I really came to tell you all is that tomorrow is a big day ... I should know my surgery date by the time I leave the doctors office. It's about time, huh? I'll be sure to at least Tweet and let you know so we can start the countdown. ::G::

I'm grateful to have something to obsess on and help get my mind off being so sad.

Back from my bender. ::vbeg::

I'm teasing. There was no food bender. In fact I have lost 17 pounds! They have me cutting out the soda completely, cutting out the fast food and junk and preparing to eat healthy. Plus I bought a treadmill .... so I have been losing a couple of pounds each week. Yeah me.

I did go MIA which most of you know I do from time to time. To say I have been overwhelmed is an understatement ....

* First Ben came home for a month which kept us really busy.

* Bobby and Rhea graduated from R.I.T

* The tests. Many tests and doctors appointments. Since I have posted I have had two sleep studies. They do them in the Sheraton overlooking the city. The first was kind of fun because I had the most adorable tech taking care of me all night and we talked and joked and watched American Idol. The second one was a nightmare ... with a FULL breathing face mask. I didn't take either seriously and only thought of it as something that I had to complete as a requirement for the surgery. Well the other day I had an appointment with the Sleep Apnea doctor. The most gorgeous South African doctor I have ever seen. His accent was intoxicating and I have no idea what he said to me ... except ... I apparently stop breathing 60 times an hour!! Now that still isn't enough to make me wear that Darth Vader mask to bed every night BUT it is enough to scare me into wearing it in the hospital after surgery. He explained to me that between being put under and the pain medication that my sleep apnea could be a very serious condition the hours right after surgery. So I gave in (I would have stripped naked and danced on this mans desk if he had asked me to! ::G::) and agreed to be fitted for my very own mask. Which you KNOW I will be adding stones and bling to!

More test: EKG and evaluation with the heart doctor. She said I was good and strong but saw something minor that she thought called for a stress echo to make sure I can withstand the surgery.

The stress echo was not half as bad as I thought. The highlight of my day was when the doc told me that they were having a difficult time getting a clear ultrasound of my heart because my breasts are so large. (thank you, thank you very much!) ::sigh:: Anyway, my resting heart beat is so dam high that I only had to do 4 minutes on the treadmill. For a normal person that may not be much but for Miss Fibromyalgia ass it was like a days hike up a mountain. But I got it done. Boobies flap'n in the breeze and all.

Also: The Shrink. $275 out of my pocket (I was SO mad about that) and they told me what I already know - I medicate with food. Gee, ya think?

Another follow up with the surgeon and a nutritionist to be sure I have tappered my food and am still serious about the surgery.

What I have left to complete is the acutal appointment to go have my face measured for the mask and that is on Monday. And a final appointment with the surgeon on the 30th. We are thinking the surgery with be sometime in the first two weeks of July. Keep your fingers crossed for me please ... I am so tired of preparing and just want to DO IT!


* I have been spending some time with Joey's girlfriend Stefanie and getting to know her. I absolutely adore this girl and if my son ever breaks up with her I am thinking of keeping her instead. ::G:: She looks just like Anna Pacquin from "True Blood" ... ok ok ok, I'm the only one that thinks that. Even she and Joey don't see it like I do. But she's a cutie and sweet and so good for my kid. I couldn't be happier for him.

* And lastly something that is totally breaking my heart (and my back literally). My big dog (120 pounds) Simba has Lyme disease and has lost the use of his back legs. The vet thinks it will improve drastically with the medications ... and he is on pain pills to keep him comfortable ... but I have to take him in and out of the house (and down 3 steps) with a sling holding his hind end up every couple of hours and it's just killing me - emotionally and physically. This dog is my fierce protector and has been with me for 10 years, I can't imagine losing him.

So that's my update. I'm hoping life has slowed down enough around here that I can get back to blogging everyday. I have so many thoughts/concerns that I want to talk about here concerning the surgery. It seems like the closer it gets the more excited I get but also the more worried if I am doing the right thing.

What have I missed on YOUR end?? What is going on with everyone? Please leave me a comment or send me an email and tell me what is going on in your life and what I have missed out on.

R.I.P Stanley the bad bad snake

Just a quick "hi". I didn't have any pre-op testing this week thankfully. But I do have the first Gastric Bypass support group meeting next week which I can't wait to go to. I want to hear if weeks or months out if anyone says they regret it. And how they deal with issues like the whole "non drinking" thing which has me really freaked out.

Ben comes home this weekend so we are all running around like chickens without their heads trying to get things ready for him. The last I heard we are going to have him for 15 days but that seemed to changed moment to moment.

Oh and I killed a snake today!! I know, I know - the crazy home zoo keeper killing one of God's creators - believe me, it wasn't easy. BUT it was slithering toward my babies (chihuahuas) and "Go get out of here" just wasn't working ... so I detached his head with a hoe and smashed his heart with a rock. ::g:: And how was your day?

What a weekend

Well the miagraine from hell wasn't just a miagraine ... I had FOOD POSIONING! It was the most violently ill that I have ever been in my life. I threw up from my toes until I was so weak that I could barely make it out of the bathroom. You can only imagine my momentary horror to wake up to the headlines of "Swine Flu", lol. It was just horrible. I guess because I am such a medical mess anyway, it has taken me a few days to regroup and regain my strength. I am still scared to death to eat. My poor dog Simba is so in tune with me that he just stood out in the hallway whimpering and throwing up, lol. And poor poor Wendy got stuck cleaning up a mess that was worse then any zombie movie. It was a horrible weekend. One good thing that came out of it is I went from 324 to 309. One or two more bout of that and I won't need the surgery afterall, lol.

I've had set dinner plans to take Joey and his girlfriend Stefanie out tonight to a new Japanese steakhouse that I found coming home from testing at the hospital. I have been so excited about this dinner. I have waited 21 years for a daughter, lol. I know they aren't even close to getting married, but until I get a daughter (that lives close by) she's stuck with me. ::g::

So does anyone have any Dancing with the Stars opinions? American Idol? Oh did anyone watch "The Wrestler" over the weekend? I'm not saying it was a great movie, but I really was surprised by him. Anyone else?

I have the migraine from hell today so I'm laying in a dark room with a blanket of chihuahuas and praying for pretend death. I am sooo miserable.

Be Kind to your fellow Chubbies

Today I came across a blog of an old "friend" who I had parted ways with some time ago, and not in a very friendly manner.
(big surprise, I know ::vbeg::)
Anyway, if I am being honest in the telling of this story I have to say two things #1 she was kicking my ass in the weight loss department and #2 she knew it, and liked to get on her high horse from time to time ... as most of us do when we are in the groove and looking fabulous. In reading her blog today I come to find out that she is not doing so well in the battle ... and if you read between the lines I am thinking she has put most, if not all of her weight back on.

Now let's all be real, back in the day this may have tickled me pink and induced an evil cackle and finger pointing to the not always kind "those we do not speak of". But in the past few weeks since I have revisted my life long struggle to beat this demon yet again, I have met up with 8 once dear friends, who find themselves in exactly the same situation. Some live in shame and have only admitted their situation to very few. Some have secretly had surgery. Some cry every day. The bottom line is, people who I have cared about in my life, past or present, are suffering. And they think they are alone or need to be embarrassed for doing the very same thing that (maybe you and) I have done. And that doesn't make me want to laugh or gossip, it makes me really sad.

Why is it that sometimes those that give us big girls the hardest time, is other big girls? Remember me staring at that poor mayo face lady in the Subway sandwich shop, feeling superior because I had dropped a few pounds?
::still hanging head in shame::
Why is it that fat people are usually the only ones that say all snarky like that Gastric Bypass or Lapband Surgery is the "easy way out"? You bitches know if it was easy you would have done been had it already! ::vbeg:: Yes, unlike those of you who have to rely strongly on your willpower, my choices will be limited for me once I have my stomach made into an ounce pouch. One choice, eat an ounce of food. Second choice, eat 2 ounces of food and double over in pain for 5 hours, shit my pants, break out in a cold sweat, and possibly split my stomach open. Monty I'll take door number one! But this is for the rest of my life. Let me say that again. The rest of my life. Forever. No more things that I love and that make me happy. At least not the way I have come to know them. No more Thanksgiving dinner, bucket of popcorn and a soda at a movie, birthday dinner with birthday cake, all you can eat buffet. No more going on vacation and cheating for a few days. Enjoying a gourmet meal at a wedding. Granted the amount of fish, tofu, soy and chicken (aka to some as food) does slowly increase. And yes if I loose my ever love'n mind I can eat more everyday until I slowly stretch the pouch until I can eat a milkshake, fries, a burger and double blondie ... but if I do, I personally give you all permission to shoot me in the F'n head! This is far from the easy way out. This is trading my short fat life for a longer life that is completely foreign to me and where I have no idea where or how to find happiness. I'm excited, but also scared to death.


Now onto American Idol ... Lil you were the Steve Wozniack of AI, it was time. Anoop, I liked you but there was no one else that could go home this week ... Chris amazed us for the very first time and couldn't be sacraficed.

Tomorrow night is date night. A marathon of "28 Days" and "28 weeks later". I can't wait.

It is supposed to be in the high 80's all weekend and we have yard work planned, so if I go MIA it's most likely because I have fainted from over supervising and am being fanned in the shade with a nice iced Long Island Ice Tea. ::G:: Have a great weekend ladies!